The 10 Step Chiquita Vagina:
Much like Travis, Dan was getting pretty tired of the old rub and tug, and was dying to feel what it would be like to be inside of someone/thing other than his own sweaty palm. Dan was a visionary. He dreamed big, and had developed a very elaborate system that he used for years. There would be no tube socks or baggies for Dan, no sir, he was going to make a vagina if it killed him. After much trial and error, Dan struck gold. He had an idea! His simulated vagina recipe went like this:
1. Get a ripe banana (ripe was crucial)
2. Cut the end of the banana off to match the length of your erect penis.
3. Procure a roll of duct tape.
4. Tear off approximately 3-4 4″ strips and leave hanging off the edge of a table/counter.
5. Place the banana in the microwave for 30-45 seconds.
6. Remove banana and carefully squeeze out the inside, leaving the skin in tact.
7. Place the banana shaft over your penis.
8. One at a time, wrap the duct tape around the banana peel, to ensure the peel does not split or rip open.
9. Place duct-taped banana peel back in microwave for 20 seconds.
10. Remove from microwave, insert penis, and enjoy your chiquita vagina.
